“I tried to be ‘normal’, even though I would feel nauseous when I kissed boys. It turns out that my experience isn’t uncommon.īri McCarroll, a licensed couples therapist in Massachusetts, spent years during her adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend that her attraction to women wasn’t real. Personally, I internalized this belief so much that it took me years to even recognize my romantic feelings toward women. Though studies suggest that queer people feel loneliness more often than non-queer individuals, the particular issue of lesbian loneliness is often overlooked - even though it is surprisingly common.Ī major reason why lesbians feel lonely is that many women are told that being attracted to men is the norm. Formerly a slur, the word has been reclaimed by many who identify as queer. Queer is an umbrella term that refers to anyone who isn’t heterosexual and/or who doesn’t identify as with their biological sex. The term may be used interchangeably with the terms ‘gay woman’ or ‘queer woman.’
Lesbian refers to a woman who is sexually or romantically attracted to other women. Over time, I began to realize that lesbian loneliness is pretty common and I’m not as alone as I had once thought. I took note of how rarely I had seen relationships like this represented in the media, much less in the real world.Īnd I realized that I had never been to a church that so openly supported - not just tolerated - lesbians and other queer people.Īs I stood there in that old brick church, I was struck by the normalcy of their relationship and it was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.Īlthough I was happy and proud, it forced me to acknowledge an undercurrent of loneliness deep inside myself.Īfter all, I understood that the world wouldn’t always be as kind and loving as the people in that particular church, and connecting with other lesbian and queer women isn’t easy. Seeing two women whom I admired sharing a moment of love and tenderness made me aware of many things all at once. That said, Glennon’s love for her wife, who was there in support, was more than evident throughout the event. Instead, the interactive discussion focused on connecting with others in a world that feels overwhelming. The talk wasn’t about her sexuality, nor has Glennon ever specifically identified herself as a lesbian. I was there to hear one of my favorite authors and activists, Glennon Doyle, speak. Standing in a gorgeous church illuminated by a kaleidoscope of stained glass, they expressed their feelings so freely and I was immediately overcome with emotion - and hope for my own future. I was in my twenties the first time I saw two women kiss one another.
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